Author’s Note: This is the fourth post in my 12 Great Commandments series, inspired by Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project. Last week, we talked about collecting skills instead of tools.
Last week, we shared things that we found beautiful or meaningful. As I read through all your responses, I was struck by the common thread of gentleness. For example:
- Melissa said: “Beauty from today: a street lined with blazing, autumn trees, back-lit by a blue sky, softened with clumps of white fog.”
- Arvind said: “What I find beautiful is the sight of a mother lovingly cuddling her child and gazing into his / her eyes.”
- Steven said: “I love a snowy winters morning at 5 am, there’s a cool wind blowing, the snow gently falls and blurs the orange glow from the street lights. The beauty and serenity is almost tangible …”
- Leighann said: “Things that are beautiful to me make me cry. From a good movie, to a bittersweet love story, to a certain kind of old man sitting on a bench outside a Southern store, chewing tobacco and wearing overalls.”
This is the fourth commandment:
Be gentle.
***
We ambitious people are a bombastic lot. We’re passionate. Bold. At our worst, we’re combative and defensive. But you know what? It gets exhausting.
Look, when it comes to being passionate and trying to change the world, I’m first in line. We’re warriors. I get that. But even warriors need moments of gentleness. Of peace.
Being fired up is awesome – but we’re not made to be fired up all the time. I hope I never forget that.
Because the world doesn’t always change in bursts. Because people don’t always change from getting yelled at or pumped up. Sometimes – most of the time, even – the important changes are gradual. Like rainwater carving grooves into a rock.
And other times, the change isn’t what’s important at all. Other times, gentleness means being still. Being kind in those little endless moments. I’m reminded of this every time I curl up on the futon with the girlfriend. We don’t do much. We don’t even talk. We just enjoy being there, and that’s enough.
To the guys out there (and the girls, but especially to the guys) – it’s okay to be gentle. To be soft now and then. To snuggle.
***
Speaking of the girlfriend. When I ran this particular commandment by her (she’s my muse) she suggested that “gentle” might not be the right word to use.
I looked it up in the dictionary, and she’s probably right. At least in a strict definition sense of the word. But when I say gentle, I mean also peacefulness, tenderness, and kindness.
As in: a gentle rain. As in the feeling you get when you’re curled up on the couch with someone you love more than anything. As in being able to cry without sobbing – the good kind of crying where tears run softly and your throat feels warm and tight.
These are good things. Great things. And in our fierce pursuit of the world, let’s not forget to be gentle.
7 Comments on “Be Gentle.”
says:
Gentle is exactly the word we use in teaching children to be good to eachother. When little children hit, you take their hand, and touch the person they hit, and say.”Gentle, gentle.” It's how we teach older siblings to care for their youngers. Gentle is a good word. Nice post.
says:
It's refreshing to read this. And you're right, all the chatter is exhausting at times. Makes the art of gentleness get lost in the hubbub of 21st century life. So maybe this will start a movement to bring it back.
says:
Reading your post bought before me the image of Gandhiji. He was a short, frail, soft spoken man but a man with a great mission. And how did he accomplish all he did? Gently :-).
The mistake we make is to equate gentle with “weak”. Its very possible to approach everything in life gently and with respect, yet firmly and achieve great things. And where does all the emotional energy you save from not being loud and boorish go into? back into achieving the goal :-).
This is a great post, Jeffrey, thanks!
Cheers,
Krishna
says:
Glad to hear I have a supporter in the word fight :)
says:
I like the concept of saving emotional energy in one area, then transferring it to another area of your life. Being conscious of where you spend energy is crucial. Sometimes even activities that are supposed to be “relaxing” seem to drain energy instead of restore it. You ever get that feeling?
says:
Let's start a movement together! Doesn't even have to be around this commandment :) What do you think?
says:
This post is really something and a perfect close to my day.
Tonight, Little Girl forgot to have her school planner signed and it was already past bedtime. She ran upstairs, begging, “Please don't yell at me, please don't yell at me.”
I was dumbstruck, wondering, “Do I normally yell??”
A gentle response is best.
Thanks, Jeffrey! Beautifully written.