One of the things I love to do is dream about the future. Just lay in bed, or stand in the shower, and imagine answers to the great what if?
Dreaming big is one of the ways I keep myself motivated during the day-to-day. It gives me goals to focus on and a standard on which to judge what I do on a daily basis. Am I being who I want to become? Or am I just going through the motions of life?
If you don’t spend some time each day dreaming ahead, you really ought to.
(Colin Wright of Exile Lifestyle suggests something similar called 20 Minutes of Awesome. Give it a try!)
On the other hand, just dreaming big never actually got anyone anywhere. Sometimes dreams suck up energy and attention from the actual work of moving forward, leading to a kind of paralysis.
And sometimes, big dreams lead to guilt. Like during those long, unproductive nights, where you’re inspired, but somehow unable to make progress. Or after a day of goofing off, when you realize that you’re one day older and no closer to where your dreams are hiding. Times like that, when all you hear is the Focus. Get things done. Stop wasting time. Hustle. refrain in your head, and you start feeling horribly guilty for every wasted second.
I dunno. This self-improvement thing really sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?
Guilt has its uses, I suppose. It keeps us honest, for those times when we really are squandering our resources. But guilt, like curare, is only beneficial in very small amounts. Most of the time, it’s better to just let it go and move on.
For example, one of my lifelong dreams is to write a bestselling book. And not just a bestseller … a classic. A book to which legions of high school students will be subjected via summer reading lists and timed essays. So far, I’ve made several attempts at it, but I haven’t gotten anywhere.
Some days, I can’t help comparing myself to the big dreams in my head. “What am I missing?” I ask myself. “What’s wrong with me? Do I really want this?” Thinking like this, I’ve noticed, tends to kill my motivation pretty fast.
Is “mind power” overrated?
A lot of personal development advice centers around “mind power.” Think positive. Clear your mind. Visualize.
We have things like The Secret, which says that we can make the universe do things for us through pure mind power. To be honest, I don’t buy it. Is that heresy? For someone into personal development to not believe The Secret?
Mental focus and thinking positive is good, of course. And a big part of success comes from the right mindset. Which is probably why The Secret seems to work. Not because of mystical universe energy, but because it brings your goals to the forefront of your attention.
But all the mental focus in the world is useless we bridge the gap between thought and action. Action is what makes things happen. There’s a lot of truth in the “ready, fire, aim” mentality.
Dealing with the downs
What do you do when the big dreams start turning into big guilt trips?
Most of the time, I just wait it out. Sleep on it. I’ll let it hurt for a while, and bide my time until the guilt passes. Perhaps I waste more time this way, and perhaps it might be better to push on through it (which I do sometimes), but guilt tends to be one vindictive, vicious little muse. Guilt leads to frustration leads to lack of productivity leads right back to guilt.
Not fun.
But guilt fades, if you let it. It always does. And sooner or later (usually after a good night’s sleep), the dream doesn’t feel quite so intimidating anymore. It becomes fun and exciting again. At the same time, I remember just enough of the guilt to keep me on my best behavior.
And at the intersection of waning guilt and waxing motivation … that’s when I can really get some good work done.
***
I’m just thinking out loud. There are some good lessons in here, but it seems artificial and fake to turn this into a 7 Steps to a Perfect Life post. That’s a problem with most of the personal development materials out there (and some of what I’ve written too). We’re quick to give advice, quick to teach and pontificate, when instead we should just be sharing.
So this is me, thinking on the page. Just sharing.
What’s your take on it? Where are your big dreams taking you? Are you up or down right now?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
“We have things like The Secret, which says that we can make the universe do things for us through pure mind power. To be honest, I don’t buy it. Is that heresy? For someone into personal development to not believe The Secret?”
The stupidest thing I heard today so far is that someone “into personal development” should believe into that, any other nonsense, or in fact any particular belief or doctrine. It is called *personal* development for a reason; it's not a cult.
That's actually kind of why I wrote it. You're right; personal development should be personal, and it shouldn't be a cult. But on the other hand, cults are strangely attractive. We like to be a part of things, to identify with a group or a movement. It's comfortable. And sometimes, we wind up doing the “me too” thing – repeating ideas and advice just because they're popular, even if we don't particularly buy into them.
I just wanted to draw attention to that, if that makes sense.
Up, down, up, down. That is how it goes. The question is when to choose to take a snapshot and mark that way of being as the measure. How to know when you are steering the right emotional course.
That -is- the question. Or perhaps it's better not to take a snapshot at all, and just go along for the ride. What do you think?
I really like that you chose to just post about what you were thinking and not turn it into a lesson. That way, each of your readers can choose to learn what is most meaningful and relevant to them. I started down today and I am on my way up. The guilt is leaving and the motivation is returning.
Yeah, I've been realizing lately how much time we all spend preaching instead of sharing. There's a time and a place for the sermon, but we all need to step out of the pulpit every now and then, right? :)
And glad to hear that you're on your way up. Starting the week is hard, but it gets easier as you go. At least that's how it works for me.
Love your share, Jeffrey. The nice quiet tone, too. I read a lot on personal development, and I see a lot of ” the universe will make things work for you through the power of your mindset' type of theories, and I'm not buying into that, either. And I believe in action- not the action that operates on ” push push push” button, but the healthy positive natural action.
Thank you, Diana. I don't think there's anything horribly wrong with The Secret, but there's a danger that we'll get so caught up in thinking great things that we never get around to doing those things.
I think I'm in sort of a quiet mood lately, kind of taking a break from the supercharged motivational stuff for now. Everything in its place, and for everything a season, right?
What about you? What are you up to? And how do you keep yourself going without the push push push button?
Hi Jeffrey – No it's not heresy to question “The Secret.” I find so often that it makes people feel less than, like “what's wrong with me that I can't manifest my dreams?” And I do understand the desire to dream big, but maybe there's room to shift focus a bit, away from the end result and to the process, the joy of doing the writing. And here's something interesting I heard yesterday: often best selling writers get to that big dream of success, but don't actually feel successful. So for a lot of us creatives it's time to change the definition of success. And to realize that success is a feeling rather than an end point. And to make success happen right now, as in, “I wrote a page of my novel and I feel successful today.” What do you think?
Jeffrey, You raise some heavy-duty questions in this post. I like your musing about being quick to give advice. I have thought about this in my speaking and writing as well. Where do you draw the line between preaching, for example, and inspiring? Or, on a personal level, where do you draw the line between caring/helping and just plain nagging?
If I write about taking personal responsibility for type 2 diabetes, meaning to help and inspire others, does it come across as blaming or nagging? I think that the tone of a post (or a book) is essential in showing empathy and understanding, but it's a delicate matter.
So Yes guilt does have its purpose and it’s nice when we are able to acknowledge it, coz sometimes it pushes us in the right directing. However whilst we feel guilt “I say we all have the luxury of choice to stay with the feeling or move on” the only choice we all don’t have is not to have one and that in its self is a choice itself. So we take lessons, learn from our past and move on……. Outstanding post you have put together and I hope we all squeeze out some learning tips from it Awesome! …Thanks for sharing…
And personally in life I feel we all have ups and down which I hope will make us all grow and move on to the next level which shld be maturity, understanding and perharps if I should say more wiser ..experience surely seems to be a good teacher ….
Will visit again enjoyed being here..Thanks
This is such a timely discussion. On my blog (http://www.owlsdaughter.com/owls-wings ), we have for many months been working our way through The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron. By coincidence (!) we are at this very moment discussing how dreams are important, but when we become attached to a certain measure of “success,” they can cause paralysis and guilt. Your take on this is just wonderful, so I hope you don't mind that I've quoted you in my own post today. Your blog is a huge inspiration, but the magical synchronicity here is quite something else! :-)
Thanks!
– Beth
These are a few of the questions I've been wrestling with a lot lately. I think the best way to avoid crossing the line between caring and nagging is to speak from experience, instead of from “on high.” Where do you draw the line, Madeleine?
Thanks for the compliment, Fatima! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Experience is a fantastic teacher, but only if we pay attention to it :) And I completely agree that guilt can sometimes give us a push in the right direction. But it's also important that we don't wallow in guilt for too long. What do you think?
That's awesome, Beth! Isn't it funny how blogs tend to synchronize themselves on a certain topic?
I've been hearing a lot about The Artist's Way lately; I think it's probably time for me to pick up a copy – right after I finish my current book. I'm gonna jump over and read your post on the topic, so I'll be right back :)
Jeffrey, In response to your question (responding to my comment), you said,
“I think the best way to avoid crossing the line between caring and nagging is to speak from experience, instead of from “on high.” Where do you draw the line….”
This discussion becomes more and more interesting. I agree that speaking from experience is essential, but I think there's more to it. As I started to jot down some notes about this, it suddenly occurred to me that this would make a great blog post for me. I'll be sure to link back to you.Thanks for planting this seed.
Sounds good, Madeleine. Please do send me an email or let me know when you finish that post; I'd love to read it.
The part that seems to separate a lot of folks from their dreams is the devotion and work required to make dreams come true. We hear of success and it seems overnight, so we are hard on ourselves for not being able to make our dreams materialize in an instant. We write a chapter in our epic novel, then throw it aside, feeling like we will never finish it. When, in fact, almost all great writers start small and build up to the epic novel. Recognize that doing something like this blog – writing consistently – is a step in making that epic novel happen. Think long term with big dreams. Unwrap any 'overnight' success and most times you will find many, many years of struggle and anguish.
True ! not to wallow in guilt for too long …. This can easily become a learnt and adaptable behaviour for some , as horrible as this sounds… This is why I had mentioned choice and hope we do learn from our experiences, make valuable decisions on how we hope to feel and not spiral downhill …Thanks Jeffrey
And you can find my here http://www.selfhelpwellness.com ….. thanks
I am definitely down right now. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I have not felt like writing in days. I wish the human body had a boost button that would provide you with instant energy and direction. Alas, it does not, so I'm catching up on my reading instead.