Asking the Hard Questions

“The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody had decided not to see.” - Ayn Rand

Remember when you were a kid and loved to annoy your parents by constantly asking Why? Why is the sky blue? Why do I have to go to bed? Why can’t I have that toy?

I think part of the reason adults find the why? question so annoying is that it makes them uncomfortable. Children are naturally curious, but by the time they’re “grown up,” many people have had the curiosity beaten and bred and educated out of them. Social conditioning trains people to follow directions, accept the consensus, and stop asking those insufferable questions!

It’s often more comfortable to hide or ignore important truths, because it means we can preserve the status quo. But asking questions – asking the difficult, thorny, revealing questions about ourselves, other people, and our world – and taking a honest stab at finding the answer, is exactly what we need to do.

Kids ask questions, and they grow; adults suppress their questions, and they slowly die.

This is the tenth commandment:

Ask the hard questions.

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The easier part of this commandment involves asking hard questions about the outside world and the people – our friends, family, neighbors, leaders – who live in it. Some of these questions can be asked directly: What do you intend to do about the crime rate, Mr. Mayor? – but others require detective work on our part: How do we protect human rights in our country and abroad?

Often, the trickiest questions to ask and answer are ethical and moral ones – but of course, these are often the most important. Our understanding of ethics and morals shapes every decision and action we make.

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The more difficult part of this commandment is asking hard questions of ourselves – especially the Why? questions. Why do I deserve this?Why do I feel happy/sad/lazy/depressed? Why am I lashing out?

In order to ask and answer these questions, we must learn to step outside ourselves and let go of our prejudices and assumptions – even the ones we’ve grown accustomed to. We are then free to be proud or critical as the situation demands, uncovering the “glaringly evident” things that we hide even from ourselves.

The number one enemy of hard questions and honest answers is rationalization. If you’ve ever told yourself: One more fast food meal won’t kill me – or, I really can’t afford this gadget, but I need to reward myself – or, I just need to goof off for a few more minutes, then I’ll be more productive to make up for it – then you’ve engaged in rationalization.

Rationalization happens when we do something we know we shouldn’t, then search for a way to justify it. Instead of asking and answering the hard question (Why did I do that?), we evade the issue by making up a flimsy excuse.

Enemy number two is routine. This is our tendency to answer questions with “stock” excuses – the same way politicians are accused of “toeing the party line” instead of thinking for themselves. But just like rationalization, giving in to routine is just another form of self-deception.

I’ll give you an example. One of my hardest personal struggles is with my tendency to procrastinate. If I’m not mindful, I can easily distract myself from working with any number of rationalizations and routine excuses: I’ll be more productive if I sleep a little longer – I deserve a break because I’ve already worked so hard today – Taking time off is good in the long run.

All these excuses could be true for some people, but I know they’re not true for me; I just use them to soothe my conscience while I avoid work. I’ve learned, however, that by forcing myself to answer the hard questions about my real motivations: Do I really need to rest, or am I just giving in to laziness? – Where am I going with this? – Why am I so reluctant to get started? – What’s really stopping me?

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Questions are the catalysts of change – if we are willing to ask the right ones and pursue the truths behind them. Asking the hard questions of ourselves and others is not just the job of philosophers, academics, and self-improvement gurus – it’s something we all must do sooner or later.

Training ourselves to ask questions and live mindfully is absolutely crucial if we are to find meaning, direction, and fulfillment in our lives. Some questions are harder than others to ask and answer, but it’s often those questions that really make a difference.

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