Free is Not Enough

One of the biggest concepts in business and marketing these days is “free.” Free e-books, free newsletters, free samples, free trial memberships. But as the season of giving approaches, and people start scrambling for gift ideas, perhaps we can take a few moments to think about what “free” really means.

Gifts, after all, are supposed to be free. Freely given, freely received. A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! But free is not always enough. And when we say “free,” we don’t always mean it.

What We Talk About when We Talk About Free

If you spend enough time browsing the internet, sooner or later you’ll run across an offer like this:

ENTER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS HERE TO RECEIVE MY FREE E-BOOK!

If you decide to download that e-book, you’ll have to put yourself on the author/promoter’s mailing list. So you’re not actually getting the e-book for free.

Let me be clear that I see nothing wrong with asking for someone’s email address in exchange for a valuable information product. I’ve downloaded many free e-books in this fashion, and rarely have I regretted it.

But. You’re not getting the e-book for free. You’re not spending money on it, true – but you’re selling the right to contact you via email. Even if you manage to get the e-book without providing your email address, you’re still making an exchange: your time and attention for the author’s information. Some people call this the attention economy – where your eyeballs are just as valuable as your dollars (or yen or euros).

So that’s one problem with “free” – it doesn’t always mean free.

Free vs. Responsibility

But there’s another problem with “free” – the problem of responsibility.

Let’s say, for example, that you buy a $100 widget from Company X. After two weeks of normal use, the widget breaks down. You, of course, are not happy. You call up Company X and complain. Perhaps the widget has a flaw, and dozens of other customers call and complain. Maybe some people even take legal action.

Because Company X sold you a widget – because money changed hands – expectations are created. You expect to get your money’s worth. There are even laws that help you get your money’s worth.

But when you’re dealing with “free,” – there’s no such thing as your money’s worth. If I’m already providing you with a quality free service (like Gmail, for example), I don’t have a whole lot of incentive to follow up and problem solve for you – unless I happen to care about what you think.

Things that aren’t free carry the weight of responsibility. “Free” doesn’t always do that.

‘Tis the Season

So what does this mean for the season of “free” gift-giving?

First of all, it means we should seriously consider why we give gifts. Most of us give because we expect something in return (like the email address in our e-book example). We may give Christmas presents with the expectation that we’ll get our own presents in return.

Some of our expectations are indirect: we may donate to charity and expect a warm glow in return. At the very least, we may give a “free” gift and expect some sort of appreciation or gratitude. If someone accepts your “free” gift grudgingly, without even a thank you, how would you feel?

Some of us give “freely” out of a sense of duty or tradition. Often, “free” leaves us stressed out and in no shape to enjoy the holidays. Perhaps it might be better to look for alternatives. My friend Melissa wrote a great little post on this idea.

Or, perhaps we might reconsider the whole notion of “free” gifts. We may, for example, give gifts as reward: an expression of gratitude or admiration. A gift to a good friend, for standing by you. A gift to a teacher, for being patient.

Love, come to think of it, isn’t free either. Love has causes – a generous personality, a warm smile, a great body.

I think it’s important that we recognize the constant flow of give and take, the series of emotional and material transactions that take place in any relationship. The economics of relationships, you might say. Rather than cheapening a relationship, this perspective provides a framework for understanding how we interact as people. You may disagree, and that’s okay.

We might come to understand, for example, why we enjoy giving gifts to some people, but feel put upon when giving to others – and why that’s nothing to feel guilty about.

We might also realize that giving gifts isn’t enough; we must approach our relationships with a mindful work ethic and sense of responsibility. This sense of responsibility is what gives our relationships (and our gift-giving) meaning. We understand this instinctively; we know that giving someone a gift doesn’t create a relationship, and also that gifts won’t salvage a broken relationship. Connections must be forged on more than “free.”

By acknowledging the paradox that “free” gifts often come with strings attached, we learn to give with purpose – to say thank you, to express genuine affection, to enjoy reciprocity – instead of with the begrudging weight of duty.

After all – giving is supposed to make us better, happier people.

What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? What does “free” mean for you this holiday season?

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