One of the hardest, best decisions you can make is to say, “I do this, not that.”
As in: “I write for this audience, not that one.” Or, “I provide this service, not that.” Or even, “I donate to this cause, but not that one.”
I do this, not that.
It’s a hard decision because we want to do everything and please everybody, especially when we get excited about something, believe in something, or hear a convincing sales pitch. And even though we’ve heard that you can’t please everyone, most of us secretly don’t believe it. That gets us into trouble.
In Made to Stick
Making a firm, conscious choice to not do certain things, to not please certain people is remarkably liberating. Especially when the things you choose not to do are “good ideas.”
Most people pack their lives and businesses so full of good ideas that there’s no room left for the great ones to grow.
The world is full of people who will tell you that you must do this and that to succeed. Sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re wrong. But you can’t be remarkable without at least trying to break the rules.
My question for you: What do you do? What do you NOT do? How do you stand firm, when the world tells you otherwise?
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Chris Guillebeau, one of my virtual role models (even if he doesn’t know it yet), wrote a great article called “What You Don’t Do Doesn’t Matter,” in which he points out the utter futility of good intentions. Definitely worth a read, especially because it gets you thinking about the difference between choosing not to do something and failing to do something.
A new friend, Michael Stanier, is launching his new book, Do More Great Work. Among other things, Michael advocates clearing out some of the good work in your life to make room for great work. I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about the book on Twitter, so you may want to check it out.
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Don’t forget to share your Dos and Don’ts in the comments section. See you Wednesday!
19 Comments on “What You Don’t Do”
says:
It is kinda minimalism for business, isn't it? Leaving the average things out to leave room for the outstanding ones. Provide what you can provide best. Focus on what you love most. Be who you are best – yourself.
This post is a good reminder.
says:
Michael,
It's definitely an application of minimalism, but I think it goes a bit
further than just eliminating the average – sometimes it's worth eliminating
things that are merely good, for the sake of something that could be even
better.
For me, the key is the concrete declaration: I do this, not that. The act of
making an explicit choice, rather than just assuming it.
says:
This is a very useful and insightful way of looking at things and staying centered in your life and work. Our natural desire to be able to do just about anything is great. But to do some things well, instead of all things in a mediocre way, is a better, more balanced way to live. Thanks for sharing!
says:
This is great advice, Jeffrey, being it not always easy to apply. It can sometimes be so tempting to do everything you want to do with a project, but as you say, you have to get rid of the good to make room for the great.
says:
Bart,
You're right; it's not easy to say no to certain ideas or features or
opportunities. I have a hard time with this every day, to tell you the
truth. I'm always second-guessing what I should be blogging about, who I
should be talking to… but at the end of the day, I've learned to say,
“This is who I am, this is who I'm not” – and act accordingly.
says:
I like what you say about balance, Sean. Sometimes we try to define balance
as “doing a little of everything.” But I agree, it's better to think of
balance as centering your life, career, and thoughts on a few things that
are important to you, and then having the courage to reject other
distractions.
That being said, I think the process of finding what you do (versus what you
don't do) is best done through experimentation. In that context, trying
different things is good – at least temporarily.
says:
Hello Jeffrey,
Thanks for including the affiliate link. It is very true that “we keep on thinking we will do this and that and so on… but some times or may be more than just some times we do not take the actions.” We need to take the action at the right time else there is no meaning in taking the action later. Sometimes I feel: It should be “Now or Never”. As I have a small story about my very dear friend to share here. She delivered the baby girl in July of 2007 and her in-laws thought they will come and visit soon and now it is Feb of 2010 and no one from her husband's family has come to see the little angel till date.
Some times we need to take the decision and my friend and her husband is unable to take the decision thinking the parents should have come and visited the grand daughter but they did not do so. The result is “family drift”. Some times we do things for the family and some times we don't.
I just hope that the couple can do the best for their daughter.
Cheers,
Cheryl Paris
says:
Jeffrey – hey, thanks for the very kind mention. Much appreciated indeed!
says:
What I do…. things that bring me joy… what I don't do… everything else.
says:
I am one who is often guilty lof trying to do to much but i am getting better about it. I want to bee evey where and taking part in everything but that just does not work. I am learing to say no.
says:
Hey Jeffrey, really good article on a topic that doesn't get enough attention. I think it's awesome when a person really knows who they are and they stick with what makes them happy, not what everyone else thinks they should think, feel, or do. The simple reality is that in this incredible information age we all find ourselves in, we must learn to me selective in terms of our time and focus. There's just too much out there to try to keep up with it all, and it can be much too overwhelming. By simply using your phrase “I do this, not that” , we'll all be happier and much more productive. Keep up the good work man.
says:
I agree – figuring out what you do or don't do is part of defining who you are. Your personal brand, so to speak. It also helps sharpen your focus on the goals that matter to you, instead of spreading yourself too thin over a huge range of interests.
says:
I'm in the same boat, Quinn. With so many interests, one of the biggest challenges is choosing between them.
We'll figure this out together :)
says:
Simple, to the point. Perfect :)
says:
Not a problem, Michael. I've been hearing so many excellent things about your book that I had to share.
says:
Thanks for sharing your story, Cheryl. And thank you for illustrating the importance of timing. I admit that it's something I hadn't addressed too much in the post.
For me, the key lies in making the decision to do this and not that. We're called to make such a decision every day, and that's where timing is important. Will we say yes to something that matters now? Or will we say no for the wrong reasons?
says:
I do – figure it out.
I don't – have all the answers.