Every Friday is guest post day. Today, we have an honest, inspiring post from Melissa Gorzelanczyk of Peace and Projects. Enjoy!
What do you want?
Go on. What is it?
Not so easy, I know.
On any given day, the things I want flip-flop. I waffle. I change my mind. So when someone asks me, “What do you want?” I finally found the reply to sum it up:
I want to give the right answer. And that isn’t always the honest one.
Because telling someone what I want feels locked in. I mean, they could broadcast it on Twitter and what happens if I change my mind?
Maybe you want to give the right answer, too. It’s a flawed cycle. It keeps all the secret, awesome, hidden wants hiding between the lines of our desires. The things we want come out too obvious and without detail.
So today, just to go on with your crazy little self, practice being honest about what you really want. Dust off the idea shelf of your mind. Lay them on the table and take a look.
Here are a few things I want. After typing, I thought, hmm, interesting. Hidden between the lines were new, focused wants. I held them up to the light for a closer look.
Want: To be healthy.
Really want: A toned butt and flat abs I can show off in a bikini.
Shallow? Maybe. But lying about what I really want won’t get my anywhere. I’ll just be sittin on my flat ass year after year. Now I have a solid goal to pursue and a path to figure out.
Here’s another:
Want: A good marriage.
Really want: To sit down and set some goals for the next 5, 10, 20 years and pursue them together, as partners.
That’s my subconscious letting out a huge sigh of relief. That’s saying so long, guilt! See ya, impatience. I can pin down these wants.
So let me ask you again: What do you want?
In life? Love? Work?
Give that safe, easy answer first.
But look. What’s that?
You want to lose weight just to get a boyfriend? You have this idea – it’s probably just a stupid dream, but still – check it out.
You think ballet sounds fun. A flower cart at the gym might actually work. A #1 New York Times bestseller – yes.
Acknowledge it.
Dare to want it.
Melissa Gorzelanczyk writes at Amazing Work and Peace & Projects, where she is figuring out life, love, and getting (amazing) stuff done. She’d love you to come over for a visit, dahlink.
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I hope you enjoyed the post from Melissa, everyone. She’s a wonderful, brilliant lady, and she’s been a great (online) friend to me – I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to meet you too!
In other news, I have a guest post of my own over at Goodlife Zen, about finding happiness in unusual places. I hope you’ll check it out if you have the time. See you all on Sunday.
11 Comments on “What Do You Want?”
says:
It’s hard to fight the urge to give the “right” answer sometimes, but I think it can be just as hard to articulate what you want in general. We default to a lot of answers because we don’t want to seem too much one way or another, and whatever we say we want is often a concession. We say what we think we might deserve, but dare not ask for more.
I can say I want to travel more, but what I really want is the freedom to move abroad for months at a time like Colin from Exile Lifestyle. For most of us “travel more” means “I’d like to have the money to take a better vacation from my stable safe job,” and to want the deeper the more unlikely and fantastic thing doesn’t even enter into the equation. Practicing the daring and inappropriate wish and giving the unexpected answer is definitely worth doing. After all, it’s much easier to get excited for the impossible and amazing than for the middle ground and acceptable.
says:
@ Karo – I definitely agree that it can be hard to articulate wants. The words don’t always shine through the fog of what we “should” want. But looking and being real is so worth it. Thanks for this. Good luck getting exactly what you want.
says:
It can be scary to admit to yourself what you want… because then you actually have to decide whether to go after it or not, and if you do try for it, then you might fail. Not thinking about it at all can feel a lot less vulnerable than trying and failing.
says:
@ Thekla – Definitely, failure is scary. But taking the safe route can be really boring and limits potential. Different people want different things, so maybe for some, what they really want is to feel safe. There’s nothing wrong with that, either!
says:
P.S. Jeffrey, thank you so much for letting me guest post on your awesome blog. Its an honor.
says:
Thank YOU for taking the time to write for me! I appreciate it :)
says:
Thank you for that dose of freedom Melissa! The value of knowing what we want, and being able to say want we want escapes so many people, and so many don’t even realize that this freedom is already theirs- they just need to go for it! In doing so, not only are they honoring themselves, they are giving the people around them the greatest gift- the ability to possibly meet a need, join together to achieve a goal, or encouragement to voice their own wants. What could we accomplish together if we all spoke up?
says:
@ Sarah – Thanks for this comment. I like the sound of your last question. Cheers to all the amazing things ahead.
says:
Hi Melissa.
This is very true about the initial answer and the follow-up answer that is more realistic. We usually leave that real answer out at first, because it is one that we wouldn’t really want to say publicly.
says:
For as much as we use the term, the phrase “want” is patently and deeply flawed. A critical problem that I often point to is that it expresses no reference to a period of time or any orientation to one’s time-perspective – things that are absolutely critical to what we typically try to express with “want.” That’s a simple place to start, and you get to it right away: when asked, we tend to flip-flop. Do you “want” something in the near-term? Or do you “want” something (ostensibly) more valuable in the long-term (presumably at the expense of short-term ‘wants’)??