Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Jen Smith of Reach Our Dreams.
There is a lot of talk these days about finding our passion and pursuing our dreams.
I think this is great; after all, we are here to enjoy life and reach our potential. However, where do we start? It can be a big, overwhelming question, in my experience. Even those people that find their passions can get stuck at times wondering where to go next.
Maybe the pursuit of our passions and dreams is part of the problem. The pursuit of anything separates you from it. We then have somewhere to get to, something to find. Of course on a practical level, finding our passion does involve trying new things, finding what we like and don’t like, and a certain amount of searching.
I am beginning to think, however, that a better question might be: “What makes you come alive?”
Do you know what makes you come alive?
Ever since I can remember, I have loved reading about personal development. If I enter a bookshop, the first thing I do is head to the personal development section.
For a long time, I pursued my love of personal development by reading, attending courses and trying different techniques. But because I didn’t really know how I could make this into a job, I used to describe it as a hobby and think that I hadn’t found my passion yet.
When I discovered that my passion for personal development was my thing, the thing that made me come alive, I stopped worrying so much and just pursued it. Ironically, when I started to take personal development more seriously, I actually started making it into my job – I became a coach and mentor.
I am not saying that you have to turn what makes you come alive into a job. The important lesson I learned was to value what makes you come alive and pursue it even if you don’t know where it might lead.
Keep Track
A great way to start identifying what it is that makes you come alive is keeping track of your daily activities and assessing your feelings about what you do. This gives you a chance to be honest with yourself about why you are drawn to some things and not others. If you start to realize that going out with a certain group of friends always leaves you feeling drained, then it is a good indicator that something needs to change.
An example from my own life is that I used to do both group and one-to-one coaching. Although both are in the personal development area I so love, I find one-to-one coaching natural and easy, whereas group coaching never seems to come as naturally to me. I realized a few years ago that one-to-one coaching is what really lights me up; since then, I have offered only this service to clients.
Reduce Your Tolerance
Since I started really getting on track with what makes me come alive, I have noticed my tolerance decreasing rapidly for things I don’t want to do. We are here to experience joy, not to force ourselves through things that don’t light us up. Reduce your tolerance for things that don’t light you up and, as Joseph Campbell said, “Follow your bliss.”
Stop Listening
One of the stumbling blocks to realizing what lights us up can be society’s expectations and other people’s opinions. However well meaning these opinions and expectations may be, it does us good to switch them off so we can listen to our own voice.
“What makes you come alive?”
You are the only person that can answer the question. Other people can offer feedback or suggestions, but ultimately it is a personal journey. Stop listening to others and start listening to yourself.
Jen is a Life Coach and personal development blogger who can be found at Reach Our Dreams. You can connect with Jen on Twitter @reachourdreams – or, if you liked this article, why not subscribe to her RSS feed?
25 Comments on “What Makes You Come Alive?”
says:
Personal development, writing, gardening, just sitting outside . . . actually, I have a pretty long list of things that really resonate with me and make me come alive.
I definitely feel that sense of resistance when something is a ’should’ or expectation though. Most of those things don’t last very long. :)
says:
Hi Jean :)
Great list. I think its great when we know what makes us happy. I agree – I think ’shoulds’ can be a real killer. Feeling free to do something because we really want to is much more empowering.
Jen
says:
“Reduce Your Tolerance” is a key point for me. There are enough things in life I’m not too keen on which can’t be eliminated–why put up a minute more with things that CAN be eliminated?
One example of this: I just went through Facebook and hit the “Hide” button on nearly 2/3 of the people I felt cornered into “friending” for one reason or another. Consequently I find myself enjoying it a lot more!
says:
Hi Meg, :)
I completely agree – it serves no-one to be doing things we don’t really want to do. As you said, why spend a minute longer doing such things? Life really is too short and precious. It is great to hear about what you did with Facebook. I love social media, but again why hang out with people that don’t really light you up? Its much more healthy to do what feels right for you. Thanks for sharing Meg and great to connect with you.
Jen
says:
Seems like the advice we need comes to us just when we need it most, and I need this. What makes me come alive? I have to focus on that as I spend time stepping back and reassessing my path this weekend. I’ve been getting lots of advice lately and I need to ensure it is good for me. I step back every once in a while when I become overwhelmed by the obsession that can accompany doing what you love. I totally agree about tolerance levels dropping for stuff that just doesn’t resonate. I shall forge ahead with your post in hand. Thanks, Jen. Can’t wait to visit your blog and soak up more.
says:
Hi Katie, :)
It’s funny how that happens isn’t it? I find stepping back and taking the time to listen to ourselves is so invaluable – it sounds like its been really beneficial for you. I am glad this resonated Katie and look forward to connecting more.
Jen
says:
Hi Jen,
Great post. I’ve finally narrowed down what actually does make me come alive in the last three years and am now trying to incorporate it more into my daily life.
I do find that my tolerance for doing things I don’t feel passionate about has shrunk considerably!
And, I’m not listening to other people’s opinions any longer.
Thanks for sharing this excellent information with us!
says:
Thanks Angela :)
How great to hear! I think maybe these things go hand in hand… following what makes us light up, cutting down on the rest and s topping listening to others opinions. It really is about finding our own way. Really wonderful to hear you have done that.
Jen
says:
Hi Jen,
I quite like the direction of finding out what makes you feel alive, rather than searching for your passion.
Some people have no idea what their passion is and find it hard to pin that down.
But, at one time or another, we all have felt ourselves come alive doing something that we love. Whether we transition that feeling into a full-time career as you have done or not, it’s important to allow ourselves to keep that feeling alive. After all, what’s the use of living? I think you need to re-arrange your priorities in life so that you can have that feeling of coming alive every day.
Karen
says:
Hi Karen :)
I do too. I think it takes the pressure off and allows you to focus on what is important i.e. what you enioy. I agree – the more we can bring the feeling of being alive into every day the better. It doesn’t have to be a new career (and it may be) but if we focus on what makes us come alive, either way we can’t lose. We’re spending our days being true to ourselves.
Jen
says:
It can be a long journey – finding what makes you come alive. Some things I have come to love I have only recently discovered. Like writing. I’m straight out of school trying my best to unlearn all the junk they put in my head.
They will put you in a box and make sure that’s all you do.
A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post. Then I immediately went down to the basement and punched the hell out of my punching bag. That’s when I knew I was on the right path, the path that makes me come alive.
says:
Isn’t that such a pity? That the very institutions put in place to broaden our horizons actually do the exact opposite? That’s pretty high on my list of “Things to Change in the World.”
Coming alive is a process, not really an event. You have to keep searching for that purpose, that meaning, that feeling every day – and when you do, I believe you’ll accomplish some incredible things along the way.
says:
Hi Clayton
Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree with Jeffrey, it’s a shame that the institutions that are meant to be about making a difference seem to sometimes do the opposite! That said, well done on getting your own head straight quickly!
Jen
says:
“Reduce your tolerance”
that’s like the biggest change that happened to last year. Getting rid of the stuff that you don’t want (physically or emotionally) is the best way to get the clarity back to your life.
Taking risks every single day is what makes my heart pounding at a faster rate – it’s the life blood of my daily actions…
Thanks for that inspiring article, Jen
says:
Hey Mars :)
Great to hear your reducing your tolerance too! It’s a great feeling when you start getting honest about what you enjoy isn’t it? life really is too short to be doing stuff we don’t like.
Jen
says:
Dear Jen,
What a fantastic question. It doesn’t get better in my opinion. It puts everything in perspective.
A few years ago I asked myself what I love most (same wave length). One thing I realized was being by the ocean. I decided to do it every day and now have an ocean view from my place. I can hear the ocean at night.
I’m doing “work” that makes me come alive too. It’s so great to feel a passion for making a contribution (another thing that makes me feel alive).
Being with my remarkable, uplifting friends = big aliveness with laughter, tears, dancing, great food, amazing conversation. Is that great!
I’ve also realized I rarely spend time around anyone I don’t wish to be around or do things I don’t want to do.
Yes, I definitely soak up aliveness like there’s no tomorrow.
We get to live our own unique lives and live in a world where love prevails. Now, that is ALIVE!
I love it. Thank you very very much for increasing my aliveness in this very moment.
Warmest regards,
Lauren
says:
Thanks so much Lauren. It really sounds like you are very clear what you want and don’t want in your life – the energy just leapt from the page! Thanks for the inspiration Lauren.
Jen
says:
I think identifying what you DONT want to do is a critical component. There are so many things that I think I want to do that limiting myself ends up being a freeing exercise that allows me to do what I really want.
says:
Really good point Joel. I have found that too, either through a negative circumstance or as you suggest, creating limits to free yourself up. Great idea!
Jen
says:
Superb angle Jen. Too much is made of passion these days but ‘what makes you come alive?’ is simply masterful. Coming alive can be anything you enjoy, read, listen to or witness like the sun rising so you are 100% spot on way you say that it’s not about a job or income generator. For me, I come alive sitting with friends chatting and talking about life from all sides. Truly blessed stuff. This is a first class post which lifted my spirits a lot.
PS Jeffrey the site design is fabulous my friend.
says:
Hi John
Thank you! It made sense to me and I am so pleased it has resonated with you too. As you say coming alive can be found at any moment – it isn’t about jobs or money. I appreciate your support.
Jen
says:
Adding value! Helping others live a better life in any way possible. Exploring the world. Learning. Meeting people and having interactions. Getting into nature and moving and breathing with a pair of Vibram’s on or maybe no shoes at all!
Thanks Jen!
Scott
says:
Hi Scott
What a great list. Ah yes, I have yet to try bare foot running, I have heard lots of good things about it so will get to it!
Jen
says:
Thanks so much Jeffrey and Jen for this post. I awoke this morning with an overwhelming feeling of despair. I decided to spend some time reading positive posts online I had bookmarked, before going further into my day. Jeffrey I don’t even remember how I found my way to your wonderful blog, through a comment you left someplace, but I’m glad I did. Jen this post helped me sooooo much, especially about keeping track as a way of identifying what truly makes me come alive.
I lost my husband of forty years eighteen months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. Our only son is grown with a family of his own, although we are very close and in touch daily. I spent so many years caring for others, as wife and mother, and suddenly found myself in a new role completely without direction. I’m also a differently-abled person and life alone has been a real challenge; emotionally, physically, and financially. I’m now in the process of decluttering possessions and useless activities from my life, looking for my “new” purpose, what makes me truly come alive. Some days I seem to do very well, but there are still occasional days like today, that I simply need a little help in getting back to a positive perspective. Thanks for that help!
Jen I’ll now go over and check out your blog. I’m thrilled to have found both your blogs, Jeffery and Jen, and will be a regular reader.